The Ironic Pink Lube Series
by secretfanficlover
Summary: This is a series of one-shots of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, from meeting to marriage, break-ups, and everything after, before, and in between. Klaine (Not in chronological order, some AU)
1. Closing In, Breaking Out

**I don't own Glee, I don't even own Klaine, but I do enjoy shipping them. **

**Season 5, Episode 16: "Tested." **

**Closing in, breaking out… **

After Blaine moved into the loft, he just wanted to be close to Kurt. Long distance was hard. He felt like he needed to make up for lost time, unfortunately Kurt was starting to feel smothered. When he was talking with Eliot, he was wondering what to do. He believed they were end-game, but at this rate he would start resenting Blaine if they didn't manage to work something out.

Kurt had his band, his friends, whereas Blaine hasn't had time to work things out for himself. He knew what everyone would say, they moved too fast and now they can't crack it in the big city. But, he had to speak up.

He dreaded this; he loves Blaine and doesn't want to hurt him. When Blaine got home, he took a deep breath and started.

"Blaine, I feel like we need some space. We never talked about what we would do when you moved here. I think with us going to school together and spending all this time together, it's too much."

"I'll move in with Sam." Blaine said. "I understand."

"It's not like we're breaking up or anything." Kurt said anxiously.

Blaine pulled him in and started kissing his neck making Kurt let out a sharp gasp.

"While this isn't technically a fight, I don't see why we can't go into the other room and have spectacular make-up sex, anyway." Kurt responded, letting himself be dragged into the bedroom by Blaine.

Kurt had grown into himself a lot during the time they had gotten together. He undid his fiancés shirt, stripping him down slowly, kissing the exposed flesh and nipping gently at him, making Blaine gasp in response. Then he pushed him down on the bed.

He then undressed himself, giving Blaine the sexiest gaze ever, before moving to divest the other man of his jeans. He peppered kisses on the inside of Blaine's thighs, seeing Blaine's boxers stretch against his aching length. Blaine let out a sigh as Kurt removed his boxers, making his hard-on spring free. Kurt bent down and took his cock into his mouth. This took Blaine by surprise. His lover didn't often give him head, but when he did, Blaine loved it.

Seeing Kurt's blond hair and those soul-piercing eyes almost made him come undone before they even started.

"Babe, wait." He gasped, before he climaxed too soon. It had been a while, so he didn't want it to be over so quickly. He flipped his fiancé over onto his back, spreading his legs and preparing him with their ironic pink lube in kept in the drawer, Kurt bit into the pillow as to not moan too loudly.

They had some loft rules that got made because of Rachel and Browdy (who sounded like animals in the bedroom).

When Blaine entered Kurt, they both moaned, it was a feeling of being again united as one, something Blaine had never felt before.

That was how he knew, the first time he took the other man's hand into his, as they ran down the hallway of Dalton Academy; this was his soul mate. He knew he wanted to be with this man forever and he would do anything to make their relationship last, even if it meant letting go and seeing if Kurt came back to him.

In that moment, nothing mattered but their love.


	2. Blurred Lines No Hands Below the Waist

**I don't own Glee, I don't even own Klaine, but I do enjoy shipping them. **

**Season 3, Episode 5: "The First Time." **

**Blurred Lines/ No Hands below the Waist **

Kurt and Blaine had agreed that until Kurt was comfortable, their relationship would not be physical. That is how they decided to the rule: "No hands below the waist."

Blaine knew Kurt was special and was willing to wait for him to be ready before they took the next step. Initially Blaine thought that Kurt would never be ready for sex, he hardly even thought about it. However, their relationship was built on honesty and respect.

Kurt and Blaine were making out passionately until they were both flushed and out of breath. Blaine's hands pulling their bodies flush against each other. When Blaine stopped for air, thinking they probably needed to cool down, Kurt asked:

"Don't you think we are limiting our teenage experiences by not allowing our hands to wander below the waist?"

Blaine didn't need to think twice before responding.

"Maybe, but I love you. I never want you to feel forced, you know?"

Kurt nodded, contemplating something.

Blaine and Rachel had a similar discussion with Artie about sex, and it was odd that it would come up again now. They had discussed the two leads performing a musical that was in essence about "sexual awakening" and what it meant that neither of them had lost their virginity. He can't say he wasn't tempted to take the next step with Kurt.

Blaine wasn't that ambitious that he would decide to have sex based on the lead role in a musical, but perhaps if Kurt was starting to consider it, then he might decide to experience it with him for the first time.

Kurt was proud of his boyfriend, seeing Blaine on stage made them tingle all over. As much as Kurt loved being on stage, seeing his boyfriend as a lead, this was definitely a turn-on, and this definitely made a difference in the amount of unscheduled make-out sessions.

When Sebastian had invited them out to a bar, Kurt knew the other two were surprised he said yes. He was a creature of habit. He wasn't the type to go pub-crawling, but he knew he needed to keep an eye on the man-stealing snake.

The drunker Blaine got, the touchier he became, and lucky for Kurt he was there to take care of Blaine. When Blaine's hands moved to cup his ass, he tried to stop him. He rushed off, pulling a drunken Blaine after him. He didn't even bother trying to find Sebastian. He just wanted to get them both home.

As he tried to get the drunk teen in the car, he tripped and landed on top of him in the backseat. Blaine was drunk and horny, and in this state, he started groping his boyfriend.

"Blaine, stop." Kurt said firmly.

"Let's just do it in the backseat." Blaine slurred.

"No." Kurt said again.

"Oh come on baby, it's no biggie." Blaine continued.

"I won't let our first time be a drunken romp in the back of a car, which you might not even remember." Kurt said, suddenly, he couldn't be bothered to try and get the brunet home.

He got out of the car and stormed off, leaving Blaine to get home by his own devices.

A week passed before Kurt had fully forgiven Blaine. He realized Blaine wasn't in control, and recognized that he had even in his drunken state, not fallen for Sebastian's advances.

Blaine had been the perfect gentleman after that, and the next time they made out, Blaine pulled away as soon as Kurt got turned on.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked despondently.

"I never want to push too far again." Blaine muttered.

"That's why we have rules." Kurt said, trying to reason with his partner. He tried to get closer to Blaine and get the mood back, but it was already too late. The mood was lost. Kurt sighed dramatically.

Kurt had a plan, a plan that would ensure he gets to be in charge of exactly how far things go, and if it went well, he would finally lose his V-card.

Kurt had everything planned. He had the house all to himself, Blaine was coming over. They had planned to watch a movie together.

Kurt was dressed-up, feeling nervous. It wouldn't be suspicious; it was like Kurt to dress up for any occasion. He was wearing a collar shirt, slacks, and a red scarf. Kurt kissed Blaine and let him in.

"Where are Carol and your dad?" he asked politely, seeing the house empty.

"They went away for the weekend." Kurt said, feigning innocence. Kurt took his time, not rushing into anything. They were sitting through _gone with the wind_ again, when Blaine started kissing him on the couch, then he turned off the TV, and when it got heated, instead of stopping entirely, he murmured:

"Let's go to my room." Blaine nodded.

Kurt led his lust-ridden boyfriend to his room. They lay kissing side-by-side, Blaine's shirt coming off first, as Blaine wanted to lift Kurt's shirt above his head, Kurt stopped him.

"Do you trust me?" Blaine nodded, and Kurt removed his scarf, and then tied it across Blaine's eyes. He then resumed kissing him, noticing how much his boyfriend was getting turned on.

So he placed his body over him, still kissing him, and nipping at his neck, making Blaine gasp, his hips moving without volition.

"But the rules…" He started, but got a kiss that shut him up.

"My hands aren't below the waist." Kurt said cleverly, and between kisses he moved all the way down Blaine's chest, trailing a line down to his bellybutton.

Kurt was kissing teasingly just above his pants-line. Seeing his boyfriends excitement grow, he moved on to faze two of his plan. He undid the scarf from Blaine's eyes, he wanted Blaine to be able to know what is about to happen, and stop it, if he wanted to.

He tied his boyfriend's hands together, stopping Blaine from being able to touch him. He then moved between his legs, and after stripping him, tying each leg to the bed, leaving Blaine naked and gasping. Blaine caught on fast, technically, "no hands" left loopholes. Kurt moved down, experimentally licking at Blaine's shaft, holding his hips in place. Blaine gasped, and Kurt continued his teasing.

Kurt sucked first one, then the other testicle into his mouth, and Blaine moaned wantonly. During all this time, Kurt's hands hadn't once moved below the waist. Blaine wanted to tangle his hands in the blonde's hair while he was being sucked off.

After Blaine came in Kurt's mouth, he swallowed every drop, untying his partner and snuggling up to him. He gave them a couple of minutes to recover before the next round. He was planning on making love to Blaine, he had it all prepared.

"I want us to make love." Kurt said blushing, which instantly had Blaine's cock responding, and wanting to get into proceedings again.

Kurt had been experimenting using vibrators and dildos, knowing his ass had to be prepared before their first time.

He had also found a lube that he liked, it was called Ironic Pink, but it was the one that worked the best, it had a faint scent of strawberry, and it was water-based lubricant. While they lay there, they explored each other with both hands and eyes, old rule forgotten. Things started getting heated again, and Kurt grabbed the condom and lube from his bedside drawer, then carried on to open himself up to his boyfriend, lubricating his ass.

When Blaine started getting too worked up, he stroked his length before rolling the condom down onto it, then lowering his virgin ass onto Blaine's length and started to fuck him till they both screamed in completion.

Nobody can say Kurt Hummel doesn't know how to blur the lines.


	3. Sneaking Into A Sex Shop

**I don't own Glee, I don't even own Klaine, but I do enjoy shipping them. I am the Sue Sylvester of this ship. **

**Prior to Season 3, Episode 5.**

**Sneaking into a Sex Shop**

16-year-old Kurt was wondering what it would be like to take the next step with Blaine. Their make out sessions had become more and more heated and he wasn't sure how much longer their "no hands below the waist" rule would remain practical.

Blaine just oozed sex-appeal. So, he decided it was time to start exploring. So, Kurt decided to sneak into an adult shop; only to see an older lady with a straight face come right up to the blushing teen and ask:

"Anything I can assist you with?"

Kurt turned even redder and muttered something under his breath, but it wasn't audible.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that hun," the shop assistant responded cheerfully.

"Uhm, I need a vibrator and lube." He said softly.

She nodded, "Which size?"

"I have no idea." Kurt responded honestly. _Perhaps he should have done some research online?_

"For you or…" She left the question unfinished. She was trying to be polite even though it was clear this teen was as straight as a rainbow.

So Kurt just nodded. She showed him various shapes and sizes, and he decided on a small flesh coloured dildo, only about two fingers wide, as well as a vibrator.

When she brought out the lubes he considered various brands, and not knowing what to take he ended up with a bunch of different titles like: *Trinity Fusion, Blue Explosion, Jelly Donut, and one called Ironic Pink.

"I will take a few and see which one I like," he said paying for his items.

The shop assistant nodded happily as he paid and then moved to pack all the stuff into a plain backpack, since the plastic bag had the shop's advertising logo on it.


	4. Rainbow Unicorn Baby Shower

**I don't own Glee, I don't even own Klaine, but I do enjoy shipping them. I am the Sue Sylvester of this ship. **

**After Season 6**

**Rainbow Unicorn Baby Shower**

When Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel decided they wanted to start a family; the question was: adoption or surrogate?

Because of all that happened with Quinn they knew the struggles with mother's changing their minds after the baby was born, and all the struggles that went with it. What if the mother decided to keep the baby? They did, however, have one friend they knew that never wanted children; and whose genetics would ensure the most beautiful child.

The answer to their problems: Santana Lopez-Pierce. Her Latina looks and natural beauty would be best to ensure their baby of being gorgeous. Another benefit is that Santana was never interested in having children, so they weren't likely to having any of the Quinn-baby-momma-drama.

Santana agreed to be their surrogate on the condition that that until the child turned thirteen, she would only be known as Aunt Santana.

Brittany was supportive of the idea. She was very busy with her cat shelter that she started in memory of Lord and Lady Tubbington. She called it Royal Shelter Cats.

The couple doted on Santana, and she milked it for all she could, she had never been one to just do anything for a cause. The couple paid for massages, check-up's and spa visits (often for Brittany as well). Kurt knew that Santana was taking advantage, but they could afford it, and family meant the world to him. So, he wasn't overly concerned with her frivolous spending.

Kurt had easily landed some big acting jobs, and Blaine had gotten into MIT and studied Business Management. Santana hardly needed the money either, but she couldn't make it too obvious she was pleased that Lady Anderson-Hummel had decided on _her_ as the surrogate. She knew this unborn child would complete their little family, and she tried her best to deny that she felt proud to be a part of it. Of course Brittany knew the truth; she always could see it, no matter how hard Santana tried to bad-ass.

Kurt and Blaine was there with every doctors visit, every check-up, every ultra-sound. When the Gynaecologist had said it was a girl, they couldn't contain their excitement. Santana even agreed (after some persuasion) to allow the unconventional couple to have a baby-shower and gender-reveal.

Many of the Glee members were still in contact via a WhatsApp group, and no matter what they knew they had friends for life.

"Wow Lady Hummel-Anderson," Santana smirked, "this is probably the _gayest_ baby shower ever." She joked.

"Brittany helped us decorate." Blaine shot back, causing her mouth to drop. This reminded her so much of the time when Brittany ran for Student Body President she had to take a while to get herself back to the present.

_Of course_ her fabulous wife had helped them plan the baby shower. The décor consisted entirely of rainbows and unicorns. The table was covered under a rainbow table cloth. Instead of a white gender-reveal cake, the icing was a marbled effect of every colour one can imagine.

Being that it wasn't a traditional baby shower, some traditions were left out. For example, each member of the Glee club was invited to this baby shower via WhatsApp message on the group. Rachel arrived alone, she never married, but her career did take off and she became a Broadway legend. Sam and Merecedes joined, expecting their one little surprise. Artie, Mike, Tina and even Summer all decided to join in the couples celebration of the new addition.

When the rainbow cake was cut and the pink smarties came tumbling out like a pink river; all the women reacted with: "Awwww…" It was going to be a baby girl!

The couple couldn't wait to meet their daughter; the next few months needed to fly by.


	5. Toddler Trouble

**I don't own Glee, I don't even own Klaine, but I do enjoy shipping them. I am the Sue Sylvester of this ship. **

**Season & Episode: After Season 6 **

**Toddler Trouble**

Abby was fifteen months old when she started crawling and it happened so fast the couple weren't quite prepared. Toddlers are exhausting, and as such the parents were fast asleep, finally having gotten Abby down for her nap.

The little Hispanic princess woke up before her fathers'. Her skin tone was dark as her eyes were wide open with curiosity. The house was quiet; so the little one went exploring. She crawled into her parents' bedroom and that is where they found her when they woke with a start.

The couple almost fell of the bed; they had noticed the baby monitor was eerily quiet and ran to Abby's room only to find it empty.

When they returned to their room, they noticed something they didn't see before. Kurt's bedside drawer was pulled open. Various objects littered the floor and their eyes met Abby, sitting on the floor next to the wall; pink bottle in her hand.

Kurt went as pink as the bottle when he saw the chubby pink hand around the Ironic Pink lube bottle. The wall was smeared with the water-based lubricant; and the little fingers had painted it all over the fall; those small fingers now in her mouth.

Blaine found this whole episode very amusing, and before Kurt could take the now empty bottle from the toddler, Blaine had taken at least ten photos of the little girl, sending it to _all_ their friends.

"Some toddler-proofing is needed," Blaine said smirking at the horrified expression on his husbands face. Kurt just nodded, picking Abby up from the floor and taking the toddler for a bath.

"Bath time, daddy's curious princess," Kurt finally said with a small chuckle.


End file.
